Wait 1,000 days

An old friend crossed my mind this morning. He made a short film about a project I worked on, but we haven’t spoken in years. Today I recalled how I was thrown by a question he posed. He asked me if I was a ballerina. Stop laughing. Apparently, through the lens, it looked like you could have balanced a book on my head. This is weird for two primary reasons. First, because I was running a drama camp for kids in an un-air-conditioned, rat-infested, loud as heck boxing gym. And second, because when recently asked to describe my posture I indicated that I walk like whatever came right before humans (you know, cuz they were all new at the whole upright…oh never mind). Anyhow, this filmmaker fellow JUST sent me the first and only Facebook communication we have ever had, wondering if I would change my profile picture to something other than the golden gate bridge. Being highly distractible, I started going through 5 years of pictures. I stopped when I saw the PILE OF ROCKS I made on Mt. Lemmon. When I noticed the date I nearly flipped my lid. November 4, 2006. Exactly 3 years ago to the day. If you scroll up a bit and look to your left, you’ll see it. Yes. Those rocks.

I won’t drag you through 1,000+ days of “where have I been”….but I will share one little thing. If you recall from blog#1, I ran away from LA in part because I could not read/write/think clearly. Post-shooting star, I was given the amazing opportunity to work on an essay that was recently published in The Shriver Report. This was a true test of whether or not I had gotten my groove back. You don’t mess around with Maria Shriver. This experience was a gift for a lot of reasons. I got to work with the most amazing scholar-friend and journalist I know. But most of all, I was shocked by how much I have grown. Normally, you have months, sometimes even a year, to write something. You have time to research, outline, argue, and draft for ages (though we usually cram it all into 12+ hour days for two weeks). This time, we had less than a week from when we got the call to when it was due. I was honored that my help was requested, but part of me wanted to say, “You don’t want my help! I’m not sure if I’m ready-willing-and-able to work yet! I could be dead weight!”

To my delight and amazement, writing was fun and I actually helped. I even worked an Alanis Morissette lyric into the piece (yes we strive to embed lyrics and inside jokes in publications). The actual version that got published is much shorter than our original submission, but I’m still pleased and proud of this piece. Obviously, as someone who studies gender and media, I’m thrilled that Maria & the Center for American Progress put together the whole project/book/poll thingy that looks at every aspect of women’s lives, but what really gets me is how this loops back on my first encounter with Maria Shriver.

I didn’t know what I was commemorating in 2006 when I made that pile of rocks. Looking back, I know it was a year of magical thinking and wishes made out loud. (more on that in the future). One of the serendipitous events happened when Maria Shriver came to school and spoke during a conference on poverty in February of 2006. We sat in the front row and were moved by her and her family’s commitment to public service. Later that night we saw a documentary about her father. I don’t remember the exact conversation on the way back to school, but it was something to the effect of “that family has changed the world. We could change the world. We could make a film about it.” And a few short years later, Maria called. She needed our help with the whole “changing the world” thing.

Now I still don’t know where I’ll be in a year, or what my job title will be. (I do know that there’s a big ass void without acting in my life). I do know that when I’m at my best (well fed, 7+ hrs of sleep, surrounded by people who point to something other than themselves, vulnerable, etc.) I believe that living out the radical dream for your life is a) possible, b) will make you radiate, c) the only thing that matters and d) will ease suffering. When I’m not at my best, I sometimes think that’s a load of crap. And that’s when I have to use my pre-blog memory and know that 3 years ago I saw evidence of all the Shriver family has done and I wanted to help. Wish granted.

Press release
http://uscnews.usc.edu/digital_media/essay_cites_gender_bias_in_media.html
Essay
http://www.awomansnation.com/socialization.php